finale - my apology
assalamualaikum warahmatullahiwabarakatuh
in a few days time, my holy journey will start. I wanna apologize for the deeds done, words spoken, thoughts conjured and wishes yearned to any of you. i know i did lots of wrongful doing, intentionally or unintentionally, those came from my selfish, self-centered, no compromise being. i'm sorry for what i have done, please forgive me
i'm sorry too for being in silence to any of you, sometimes i would say things that might hurt ur feelings/emotions and i thought it's better to be silent rather than keep talking/communicating. or maybe i thought that's the best thing to do after what have been said and done. i'm sorry ...
i hope i would become a better person once i came back, insyaAllah. bertaubat dan menjadi muslim yg soleh dan beriman ... doakan saya dapat haji yg mabrur. if i'm somewhat changed (for the better), pls accept me as i am. i'm grateful for being given the chance to know all of you, we will remain friends if Allah permits
if i don't come back, ampunkan dosa2 halalkan makan minum, halalkan hutang piutang (tuntutlah dari waris jika tidak) ... lastly, pls forgive me for what i've said and done. i'm truly sorry ..
لبيك اللهم لبيك , لبيك لا شريك لك لبيك إن الحمد والنعمة لك والملك , لا شريك ل
"Hamba-Mu datang menyahut panggilan- Mu, Ya Allah hamba-Mu datang menyahut panggilan-Mu. Hamba-Mu datang menyahut panggilan-Mu Tuhan yang tidak ada sekutu bagi-Mu. Hamba datang menyahut panggilan-Mu. Sesungguhnya segala pujian dan ni'kmat serta kerajaan adalah kepunyaan-Mu, tidak ada sekutu bagi-Mu"
interlude IV - breaking the habit
Memories consume
Like opening the wound
I’m picking me apart again
You all assume
I’m safe here in my room
(unless I try to start again)
I don’t want to be the one
The battles always choose
‘Cause inside I realize
That I’m the one confused
I don’t know what’s worth fighting for
Or why I have to scream
I don’t know why I instigate
And say what I don’t mean
I don’t know how I got this way
I know it’s not alright
So I’m
Breaking the habit
Tonight
Clutching my cure
I tightly lock the door
I try to catch my breath again
I hurt much more
Than anytime before
I had no options left again
I’ll paint it on the walls
‘Cause I’m the one at fault
I’ll never fight again
And this is how it ends
I don’t know what’s worth fighting for
Or why I have to scream
But now I have some clarity
To show you what I mean
I don’t know how I got this
I’ll never be alright
So I’m
Breaking the habit
Breaking the habit
Tonight
interlude: of work and preparation
Reached home 7AM this morning. Talk about duniawi ... this is the perfect example of that. Not going back to work today. Writting this while sitting outside my home enjoying my tea. Kinda relaxing too plus now and then cursing the wi-fi network that keeps dropping.
In less than 10 days, the journey will begin. Reality check, which state I am in?? Still fighting the temptation in search for redemption. May strength is given to forgo the craven.
interlude: Fantasi Barrino - Truth Is
[Verse 1]
Ran into an old friend yesterday
Caught me by surprise when he called my name
He was a familiar face, from a chapter in my past
Talked for a while, asked him how it's been
Said that he was seeing somebody and
Told me this was gonna last
Showing me her photograph
[Hook]
And all the feelings that I thought were gone
Came rushing back to me at once
Tried to smile and hide the way I felt
But I was thinking to myself
[Chorus]
(Truth is) I never got over you
(Truth is) Wish I was standing in her shoes
(Truth is) And when it's all said and done
Guess I’m still in love with you
(Truth is) I never should have let you go
(Truth is) And it's killing me cuz now I know
(Truth is) And when it's all said and done
Guess I’m still in love with you
[Verse 2]
We reminisce on the way things used to be
Shared a couple laughs, shared some memories
Talked about the things that changed
Some for good and some for bad
Then he said good-bye and he paid for lunch
Promised that we'd always keep in touch
Grabbed my bags and grabbed my thoughts, walked away and that was that
[Hook]
And all the feelings that I thought were gone
Came rushing back to me at once
Tried to smile and hide the way I felt
But I was thinking to myself
[Chorus]
(Truth is) I never got over you
(Truth is) Wish I was standing in her shoes
(Truth is) And when it's all said and done
Guess I’m still in love with you
(Truth is) I never should have let you go
(Truth is) And it's killing me cuz now I know
(Truth is) And when it's all said and done
Guess I’m still in love with you
[Bridge]
Now the truth is it hurts but I know that the fault is mine
‘Cuz I let him go
Tried to get over it but it's messin' with my mind (Because I know)
[Chorus (2x)]
(Truth is) I never got over you
(Truth is) Wish I was standing in her shoes
(Truth is) And when it's all said and done
Guess I’m still in love with you
(Truth is) I never should have let you go
(Truth is) And it's killing me cuz now I know
(Truth is) And when it's all said and done
Guess I’m still in love with you
I just gotta be honest, I guess, I-I guess, I’m still in love, in love, in love
prelude: of being honest to oneself
Uncertainty led to confusion and misapprehension. The ebb and flow turned into tide swamping every single surface of self existence. Why? Why must it be this way? Did I ask for it? Do I have to just accept it and get on with my life?
To continue living is to be honest to thyself. But if by being honest and accepting yourself, does it bring any assurance? This doubt lingering in mind, will it be gone?
To the holy sanctuary I will come, with the hope a new being I will become. To cleanse the soul, to deviate from the world ... with hope to be bestowed enlightenment as foretold.
awaiting morning
ce:
tapi sekarang..
aku dah mutusin..
nggak akan milih siapa-siapa..
kayaknya aku lebih baik sendiri sekarang…
dan ga akan bikin kamu sakit lagi…
apa yang terjadi dengan hatimu
kumasih disini, menunggu pagi
seakan letih, tak menggangku
kau masih terjaga, menunggu pagi…
ntah..
kapan… malam.. berhenti..
teman..pagi..masih..menunggu… pagi…
oooooohhhhh…
co:
aku sayang sama kamu sejak aku disitu
sampai sekarang
kamu tu ga tahu kayak apa aku sayang sama kamu
kamu tuh ga pernah..
ce:
tu dia masalahnya gas…
kamu ga pernah bener-bener tahu..
aku nunggu Gas…nunggu…
tapi akhirnya aku sadar satu hal
kamu ga sesayang itu sama aku…
hhhhaaaa….hhhhhhhaaaa…
hhhhaaaa….hhhhhhhaaaa…
hhhhaaaa….hhhhhhhaaaa…
hhhhaaaa….hhhhhhhaaaa…
hhhhaaaa….hhhhhhhaaaa…
hhhhaaaa….hhhhhhhaaaa…
ce:
kamu ga sesayang itu sama aku…
ga akan milih siapa-siapa…
hehehe ... mrasalah!!!
